


Red Irises

by squiggishmoo



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Abuse, Blood, Body Horror, Feels, Gen, Memory Loss, Psychological Trauma, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-03-26 03:32:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3835417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squiggishmoo/pseuds/squiggishmoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tokyo Ghoul drabble book!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Red Lines In My Skin

**Author's Note:**

> Suzuya' Juuzou's past!
> 
> Feedback is greatly appreciated

Suzuya Juuzou. That is his name. Though, is it? He wonders, the bad thoughts bouncing around in his head with the jolts of the car as it speeds through Tokyo. He sits hunched over his knees, his feet on the seat. His dirty, dirty feet, all riddled with scars and fresh cuts. They don't sting any more. Juuzou wonders when Good Boy Time would come around again. Mama loved Good Boy Time, so he had to love it too. It was only fair, right? Mama gave Juuzou his name. Mama gave Juuzou a home. She had given him a place.  
But it seems that the name Juuzou, along with all the little holes in his skin, is all he has left of Mama. He wonders where she went. He can only remember the dust and rubble coming down around them in heaps, booms and screams from upstairs echoing throughout the cellars. In the middle of their private time too! It was such a shame. He can remember Mama fleeing from the workbench, hustling out the door.  
_"Mama?" Juuzou called, lifting his head up as well as he could to wildly survey the cell. He was still laid on the table, the strings laced through his skin and stretching still._  
_"Mama, where are you going?!" Juuzou screamed at the door, though the sadistic ghoul sponsor was long gone. The boy struggled to free himself from the strings, straining towards the front edge of the table as more dust from above rained down. His arms ripped from the binding, blood spraying his back and the table. Juuzou dragged himself away from the torture contraption, the rest of the strings breaking from his skin to rebound towards the ceiling, dispersing his blood every which way._  
_Juuzou didn't feel a thing._  
_He lopsidedly ran towards the door, his arms swaying this way and that. His legs felt numb. He always felt a little dizzy after getting up from the Good Boy Table. Out into the hallway, Juuzou brushed his scraggly hair out of his eyes, looking this way and that for the exit. 'Find Big Mama,' He thought._  
_Up the crumbly, red-stained stairs, he wandered, the sound of metal clashing and ripping attracting him._  
_"It sounds like playtime!" Juuzou screamed in relief, smiling widely at the familiarity. Maybe he would find Mama here! Juuzou stumbled up the last step and into the open, grinning widely._  
_His smile faded as he took in the scene. Ghouls, eyes blackened with bloodlust and kagunes out and about, fighting humans. Exceptionally strong humans. They were far more skilled than any Juuzou had scrapped for Mama during playtime. Were they even humans?_  
_Juuzou put his hands to his head, shaking it vigorously. "No, no, no!" He shouted, though none heard him amongst the fighting. None had even noticed him enter. Nonetheless, he faded back into the shadows, his face crumpling._  
_"You're playing WRONG!" He said shakenly, "Humans are for dinner! Not ghouls!"_  
_Indeed, these extraordinary humans were dominating the ghouls, more corpses piling up by the minute. Mama's special workers. Gone, gone, gone! Juuzou watched, horrified and strangely transfixed by the blood show. Years of fighting, but not once had he seen playtime from afar. Did he love it so?_  
_Even he didn't know anymore. As he finally recovered, the last suited human let the last ghoul carcass fall to the muddied and reddened tiles. Juuzou stared from the shadow of the doorway, wide-eyed. 'Mama, Mama, tell me you're not among them.' His gaze swept the room, a fear he'd never felt before filling his chest. It faded gradually, as he realized that the Big Madame was not lying down in this room._  
_The humans were on the move again, sheathing weapons that seemed of ghoulish nature. How could that be, he wondered momentarily, before returning to his search. He watched them, as they one by one faded into the other halls. Surely, they were gone now. Juuzou stepped out from the doorway, his heart pounding as he raced through the big throne room. 'A way to Mama, where is Mama?' The cogs of his brain turned, though as little as he knew. 'Behind the Big Chair?' Impatiently, he flew up the steps, bounding up and jumping over. "Mama?" He said, though was disappointed by the lack of ghoul in the shadow of the seat._  
_'Under the pillows?!' He thought frantically, 'I can't lose Mama. I am her prized pet, she said so herself.'_  
_"What will Mama do without me?!" He yelled, his hands wildly grabbing and flinging the feathered pillows lying there everywhere. At last, he reached for the curtains, throwing them aside with a guttural scream._  
_A hand shot out and grabbed him by the throat, silencing him. A large female ghoul sat there, her hair frayed and her dress ripped, too tight around her bulging frame. She hissed at Juuzou._  
_"Quiet!"_  
_Despite the strong hand squeezing his airway closed, Juuzou smiled joyously._  
_"Ma...ma!" He choked._

_Big Madame only responded by forcefully pulling him in behind the curtains with her, covering his mouth. She glanced quickly outside for any investigators returning from the sweep, finding none._  
_"Juuzou-chan, you're going to do exactly what Mama says. Understand?" She whispered, desperation creeping into her voice. RJuuzou nodded vigorously._  
_"You're going to be a good boy and distract the guards while Mama makes it out, okay? Don't be afraid to go all out," She instructed, to which Juuzou nodded again._  
_"Where do I find you after I finish, Mama?" Juuzou needled, and the ghoul sharply inhaled._  
_"Just get me out of here, and don't worry about that. You want to make your Mama happy, don't you?" She whispered dangerously. Juuzou's red eyes widened, once again nodding. Big Madame finally released him, and then kicked him out into the open._  
_"Make Mama proud, Juuzou!" She called, and Juuzou set out. She waited behind the curtains until she heard the first scream, and the loud patter of many other feet joining the tussle. Then she picked up what was left of her skirt, and hustled out to the back, where a couple investigators were still performing their round._  
_She took care of them._

_Meanwhile, Juuzou threw punches, even bit and scratched at arms surrounding him. Weapons from corpses littering the floor became his toys, and he swung mercilessly._  
_"Mama loves me... And I need to make her happy! So just die, the lot of you!" Juuzou shrieked, a whirling tornado of sharp edges and madness._  
_Quite a few investigators fell. Some got hits in, cutting loose one of Juuzou's red-and-yellow polka dot suspenders. Juuzou didn't feel a thing. Then a new voice rang from the main hall, loud and powerful._  
_"Abort, Big Madame has been sighted! Suspend the child, and move on!" It boomed, and the investigators stopped momentarily._  
_"Goodnight!" Juuzou screamed, thrusting a knife-type kagune through another one._  
_The suited humans recovered, and as if silently agreeing on something, nodded in unison and charged at Juuzou._  
_"Uh?" He sputtered, before continuing to swing rapidly. The humans surrounded him on all sides, grabbing him and knocking the weapons out of his hands. Juuzou wasn't used to losing._  
_"Mama! Mama, where are you?" He thrashed and battered at the opponents, who struggled to subdue him. Eventually, they forced a bag over his head, and ropes went around his hands and ankles. Juuzou continued to yell, his throat growing sore and dry. To no avail, he called out for the Big Madame. She did not answer._  
_One of the investigators injected him with something. Juuzou felt a shocking flash of pain, before everything went numb._

  
So, Juuzou sat in the car, the neutralizer only beginning to fade. His pants were ripped, and one lonely suspender hung loosely from his shoulder. His chest was bare, and no one had bothered or tried to give a shirt to the savage boy.  
Where was Mama? He wondered.  
Later, a doctor was stitching his heavy wounds closed, many caused by kagune, some caused by Good Boy Time. Juuzou was still under the influence of the drug shot, and only barely comprehended most of what was happening. He focused on colors, not much else making sense.  
'White, all around. White, like my hair. White, like my eyeballs. White, white, white.'  
'Red.' Juuzou blinked, as the doctor moved to his arms, cuts no longer oozing. Juuzou became mesmerized by the in-and-out motion of the thread and needle.  
'How can something be so red, if it's not blood?' He thought, the thread catching his eye.  
"H-hey..." He murmured, his voice hoarse from the dryness of his throat. The doctor jumped slightly, accidentally stabbing Juuzou.  
"Ohhh, my goodness, I'm sorry!" The doctor immediately apologized, removing it and quickly dabbing at the small cut with a cotton ball. Juuzou stared at him, confused as to why he was getting so worked up.  
"It doesn't hurt," Juuzou said quietly, before reaching out and touching the red thread tightly stitched across his wound.  
"This is pretty," He said, and the doctor glanced at it. He frowned at the boy's strange behavior.  
"It's just string," He said, before placing a band-aid over the teeny stab wound. Juuzou nodded, before speaking again, his voice cracking.  
"Can I have some?" He asked, and the doctor blinked in confusion at the boy's strange request. "You know what? Sure," He replied, tying off the stitch and setting down the needle next to an array of others. He turned to a counter, opening a drawer and taking out a small ball of red thread. Turning back to Juuzou, he handed it to him.  
"There you go, Rei-kun," He said, as Juuzou took the ball from him. "Rei?" He asked. That wasn't his name.  
"It's who your files say you are. Supposedly, the ghoul taking care of you had kidnapped you as a young child, killing your entire family. I guess it doesn't matter too much if I say this right now, huh, seeing as you're still pretty numb from the drug?" The doctor spilled, before going to clean up the needle he had used.  
Sure enough, Juuzou did not really comprehend the information. Not yet. Instead, "Can I have a needle?"  
"No," The doctor replied, as the door opened to reveal a tall, stocky man. His kind eyes swept over the boy, before turning to the doctor.  
"Ah, just in time, Shinohara-san. Are you here to collect Suzuya?" The doctor addressed the man, who nodded in reply.  
"Yes, I'll be taking him with me now," As the two talked briefly, Juuzou slipped a needle from the table quietly into his pocket, as well as the thread ball.  
"Go with Shinohara-san here, Rei-kun," The doctor told him, and Juuzou stood up from the chair, staring at Shinohara blankly before following him out the door.  
As soon as the door was closed, Shinohara turned to the young boy. "What are you going to do with that needle, Rei-kun?" He asked, and Juuzou held out his arm to him, showing off the puffy wounds closed by the shiny red thread.  
"I'm going to make some pretty red lines in my skin, Mister," He said with a small smile.


	2. After Image Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasaki Haise goes out for some coffee, when he encounters someone especially strange. But is this man really?

After a long day at the office and not much more than paperwork to be done, Sasaki decided he needed a break.  
"Shirazu-san, I'm heading out. Keep an eye on Kuki-kun, please," He called, draping his coat over his shoulders.  
"Aye, Cap'n!" Shirazu replied, baring his mouth full of shark teeth in a grin from the couch. He made it a point to loudly get up and sprint over the Urie's room, sitting outside the door. A muffled sigh of disgust followed, and Sasaki heard a door close, none too quietly.  
Sasaki smiled and fixed the buttons, before pulling on his shoes. Mutsuki peered around the corner, before tentatively walking over and addressing Haise.  
"Are you sure it's fine to go out alone, Sassan?" Tooru asked, opening the door for him.  
"I'm just heading down to :re, don't worry. I can take of myself, and even then, I can always call you guys. Get some rest, Mutsuki," Haise replied, bowing his head before stepping out and walking down the street.  
Tooru frowned slightly, before closing the door and sighing to himself.  
"Why's Sassan been going off to that coffee shop so often lately, anyway?"  
Sasaki hesitated for a moment, before pulling :re's door open to let himself inside. The handle bell chimed in response, and the waitress who was there seemingly every time he walked in, smiled at him. He smiled back, sitting down in his usual seat.  
He'd been coming to :re frequently after that first time. There was something distinctly familiar about it. Not counting the way Renji, one of the shop owners, had acted that first day. Serious and dark eyes, exploring his own. What had he been searching for?  
Sasaki had brushed that aside. He often got odd looks. Strange hair, or whispered comments about the suitcase by his side.  
"CCG, CCG," Most murmured, as if it were a highly confidential thing that people could be protecting the world from ghouls in the form of suited people with briefcases.  
'Yes, it's such a surprise, isn't it,' Haise could never resist thinking.  
The waitress, whom Sasaki now knew as Kirishima Touka, walked over to his table, holding a notepad and pencil.  
"The usual, Haise-san?" She asked, gazing at him with a strange look on her face for a second before returning to her normal one, like she always did. Sasaki couldn't figure it out. It was so mixed, and it was so quickly vaporized. After the many times seeing it, he was beginning to think it was an expression of conflicted pain.  
No matter, he was here for coffee.  
He nodded with a smile at her, and she whisked away, returning to the bar. The Renji guy was behind the station again, Sasaki noticed. He took the order from Touka, but at the same time was actively conversing with another man. The man was draped in a large black coat, too big, it seemed. His hair was orange, brown at the roots. His face couldn't be seen, it was turned away from Haise. One thing was for sure, however.  
Renji and this man were talking about him.  
Every so often a small glance would be thrown his way. Not long enough for him to catch a glimpse of the man's face. After a good ten times of being glanced at after receiving his coffee, Sasaki decided enough was enough. His eyebrow twitched upward in annoyance, and he full-on stared at them. Renji looked away. The man stared back.  
He looked fairly young, around Haise's age. That wasn't the first thing he noticed, though.  
The young man sported large, deep scars down the sides of his face, and across an eye. He couldn't directly see the damage, since it was covered with an eye patch.  
'Eye...patch...' Something sparked interest in Haise's mind., though he wasn't sure what and it ultimately confused him. Nonetheless, he got up, holding his mug and walking over to where Renji stood and the man sat.  
Sasaki sat down at the bar.  
It was quiet for a few moments.  
Finally, the stranger broke the ice.  
"I was hoping you'd come over," He said, with a raspy voice that might have once been young and full of energy, now reduced to a sad whisper of what once was. Renji glanced sharply at him, but the stranger only smiled and waved him away.  
Sasaki was a little shocked, but recovered enough to reply.  
"Why?" He asked, "Who are you?" His heart rate was strangely rapid right now, and not out of fear. No, no fear. What was this? This man's face, it was so important to him. Why? It sparked such interest! Why?!  
"My name," The stranger replied, before taking a sip of coffee, "Is Hideyoshi Nagachika." He paused, as if that was supposed to be of some importance.  
"And?" Sasaki pressed, desperate to know more. He was so close to finding the answer! Answer to what, answer to what, there was no question? Who was he to be so concerned about this man he knew nothing about? And yet, he felt a faint inkling of thought making its way up from the back of his mind.  
You know him. Do I have to spell it out for you?  
'Stop, stop. I don't want to know. I have a life here, it's a good life! I won't go back,' Sasaki bantered with himself.  
_'I'm still here. And he's still here. Inside your heart. Your mind won't remember it, oh, no, but I do. And I'm you. Thief. Give it back, give it back, give my body back, giVE IT BACK BACK BACK BACKAAAAHHHHHHH-_  
Sasaki snapped out of his stupor, clearing the voice from his mind. The other guy was getting better at his game. But it seemed that this Hideyoshi guy had been talking.  
"I-i'm sorry, could you repeat that?" Sasaki asked, a little hoarsely, rubbing his head.  
Hideyoshi looked at him a little strangely, before waving it off. He looked a little sad.  
"I didn't say anything, don't worry. I had a position in the CCG once, and you seem to be part of the organization, with the suit and briefcase combo. I guess I thought I recognized you," Nagachika reasoned, but Sasaki didn't entirely believe him, or at least thought he wasn't telling the entire truth.  
Nonetheless, he didn't press it. However, the curiosity niggled at the back of his mind still. Was it entirely worth it to leave it be? As he stared at the counter, his coffee sitting in his hands, Hideyoshi was getting up and paying Renji.  
Sasaki looked up, his eyes widening as he saw Hideyoshi getting ready to leave. 'Wait, I want to talk to you.' He thought of saying. Instead, what came out of his mouth was,  
"Where did you get those scars?"  
Hideyoshi looked at him in surprise, before his mouth twisted and his eye shut tight. He gave a shuddering breath, as if remembering a horrible memory.  
"It's... Not important," He replied.  
Before Sasaki knew it, Nagachika was gone, the bell chiming to announce his leave. Sasaki slapped himself mentally, as he realized how rude he'd been.  
Renji stood expressionless behind the counter, watching a forlorn look mutilate the lost investigator's face. He turned away, both out of respect and the fact that he couldn't bear to watch.  
'Who was he?' Sasaki thought.  
As Haise let himself back in, his mind was a jumbled mess of pain and confusion.  
'Why does my head hurt so much? Why is Nagachika-san seem so important to me. Or rather... To him?' He didn't dare even think of the other one's name anymore.  
_'Let me back in for a while, and I'll show you why.'_ He purred, preying on Sasaki's weak thoughts. _'No need for confusion!'_  
'No, I don't need you. I don't need anything from then. I'll never see Nagachika again, so this is it, it doesn't matter!' As hard as he strained against the alluring promise of knowledge, against the thought of not having to be so ignorant about himself, he knew that this time, there wasn't turning back. He felt so largely involved with this stranger man, Hideyoshi Nagachika.  
Remembering the scars raking Hideyoshi's face and eye, he shuddered, not only with pity and sadness, but... guilt.  
_'Thaaaat's right.'_  
Sasaki sighed wearily, hanging up his coat and rubbing the back of his neck.  
'I'll just... Sleep. I've got tomorrow off, it's no big deal. Maybe I'm just stressed.' He tried to reason with himself, though he knew every bit of it was bullshit.  
Sasaki lay awake in bed for the next four hours, in fear of what he had been.


	3. After Image Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haise needs to see him again.

Sasaki pulled himself out of bed the next morning, groggy and bag-eyed. After breakfast with the Quinque Squad, he sat at the counter, watching as his disciples dispersed. Urie and Mutsuki out the door, Saiko to her room... Shirazu hadn't left. In fact, he sat down next to Sasaki.  
"Hey... Are you 'kay?" He asked quizzically. Shirazu wasn't the brightest investigator around, but he was perceptive, and that's what counted. Especially now.  
"I'm fine," Sasaki answered immediately, keeping his voice level. He smiled, though the dark circles surrounding his eyes betrayed him.  
"Cap... Y'know, you're kind'a my inspiration. You're strong an' kind an' smart. Wow, I sound fuckin' cheesy. But it's the truth. Whatever's eating you... Remember you got a pack a shitheads back here waitin' on your guidance. I can't be squad leader by myself. We still need you."  
Ginshi stood up, hands in pockets, and headed out the door as well. Sasaki sat still, and heard the door slam behind the younger man. He stared down at the mug of coffee in his hands, screwing up his eyes as he tried to clear his mind of the ugly thoughts. Ginshi was right. He couldn't lose track of himself now. This family of his... It was all he had.  
But...  
He had to know. Despite all that time he'd spent pounding the thought into his head those last two years that he didn't need his past, he felt he would die if he didn't find out who Hideyoshi was to him.   
A few moments later, Sasaki was out the door in a blur, pulling on his coat as he rushed to the coffee shop. He needed to see Nagachika.  
A few steps from the door, he stopped abruptly to take a deep breath. He patted his cheeks, hoping they weren't pink from the run, and opened the door. The door bell once again announced his entrance as he looked wildly around, searching for blonde-dyed, spiky hair. To his surprise, he found none. Hideyoshi wasn't there. Something in his throat hardened, and he felt a little panicked. He sat down anyway, not wanting to seem like a crazy man after that weird bit. Ordering the usual, he ran a hand through his hair and watched the door. Perhaps he would still come?  
Sasaki sat there for hours. In the meantime, he read some books. A select few gave him a brief heartache as he looked at the cover, a bit like the feeling he'd had when he'd first seen Hide.  
Hide.  
When had he started using that nickname for the man? Had he once called him by that? Sasaki wiped his eyes quickly, before anybody noticed the tears accumulating. It hurt to think about this, to be denied such crucial information. He'd never felt like this about his past before. It had never hurt so much.  
He groaned quietly to himself, just as the bell sounded again.  
His head whipped up, and he was naive enough to let himself hope that this time, it was him.  
Though it wasn't wasted, because wrapped in a blue scarf, a spiky, blonde-haired man was walking through that door.  
Sasaki stood up immediately, fixing his shirt and hair, hoping he looked presentable. Hide didn't notice him at first, and sat down at the counter like he had the last time.  
With a shaky breath, Sasaki walked stiffly over and sat down next to him. Hide looked over and noticed him, and a small smile grew on his face.  
"Hello, again," He greeted him, and Sasaki flinched. He drew in another small breath, before getting directly to the point.  
"Were you lying the other day, when you said you were mistaken?" He whispered to him, allowing only Yomo to hear. To his surprise, Hide's face lit up, though a tinge of sadness touched the edges of his eyes.  
"Do you want to talk... outside?" He responded, with a hint of hopefulness in his voice.  
Sasaki nodded, and Yomo frowned as the two headed outside.   
Haise sat down with Hide on the bench outside, and stared at his feet. Hide said nothing.  
Finally, Sasaki spoke.  
"Why... Why are you so important to me? I don't even know you. Tell me."  
"I can't," The man next to him whispered. "I'm so sorry-"  
"What do you mean, you can't tell me? You seemed so willing to talk about my past yesterday, Hi-" Sasaki said abruptly, about to call him by the nickname. He corrected himself, before he could finish. "Nagachika-san..."  
"I'm sorry you had to go through all of this, Ka- ah, Haise-san. But I can't. It'd be unfair to you, and to me. I hoped, that maybe... You might remember if you saw me. I shouldn't have talked to you, I'm sorry. I..." Hideyoshi's voice broke towards the end, however subtle. The sunshine-y look on his face (as always?) was dissipating, the smile becoming a bitten lip as his eyes filled with an old pain.  
"I can't let you hurt yourself again. Can you understand?" He whispered, almost a plead. Sasaki heard the silent beg, heard him asking without words for him not to go further. But Sasaki had not the strength or the humility to stop.  
"Don't you mean hurt you again?" He hissed, and Hide's eyes went wide. He turned his face away, and Haise stared forlornly at the back of his head.  
"I did that to you. Of course I did- No, he did that to you. He, whoever I was, is still here and he's begging to be let out, you have to tell me why. You have to tell me. You have to tell me why I struggle to stay silent in my bed every night instead of screaming pain because that man is in my head and he wants out, and he wants blood. Stop hiding it from me...!" He insisted, burying his face in his hands.   
It was like his heart was a bottle, holding all the sadness he felt in itself with a tight cork. That cork was being eased out, rapidly, as his panic rose higher and higher from the silent moments passing by, the only sound heard being Sasaki's gulps and sniffles.  
He'd never felt so broken by anyone.  
"I can't." Hide said again, in a voice so small it made Haise feel as ugly as death. Gloved hands wrapped around him, pulling him close. He smelled sunshine, if he could, warm rays and a summer's day. Dew on the grass. How he'd missed that smell. Missed?  
"Please say you'll at least stay with me. Talk to me, Naga.... Hide. Please." Sasaki begged, tears freely streaming down his face. He wished someone would pull him away and take him somewhere that was happy. Anywhere but here. But the street was empty, and the sun high overhead only bore menacingly down on him, illuminating his plight.  
"I'm sorry."   
"Is that all you can say? Stop telling me sorry, and fucking give me myself back." Sasaki cried out, his fists dragging down the man's chest as he tried to curl into himself.  
"I can't do anything for you, Haise-san. I've been here too long. Stop beating on yourself. The only thing I can tell you is this," Hide whispered to him, hugging him tighter.  
"You were never one to break down like this."  
With that, Hide pushed him away, gently. He wiped the tears from Sasaki's face, and hesitated, a sad smile barely hiding the broken man behind the eyepatch and the scarred cheeks.  
He gave Sasaki a kiss upon the lips, before standing up and walking away. Haise sat there for what seemed like several minutes, still crying. Hiccups echoed throughout the street, until Touka came out and put a blanket over him, before leading him inside. All the customers had left. Sasaki felt mortified, wondering how many had seen him sitting there. Touka gave him a mug of coffee, before retreating into the back.  
Sasaki remained there until closing time, before walking home, dry-eyed. No one could ever know what had happened.  
He never went back to :re alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if Haise being ooc was upsetting! I really wanted to show how big of a deal Hide was to him, hahah. Hope you enjoyed, please leave a critique!


	4. No One Hides One Hundred Legs Beneath Such a Thin Jacket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What went down in the sewer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all i write about is hide hhh

Kaneki let out an ear-shattering scream, before slumping over in the sewage. His breath came in loud gasps, and he could barely register his surroundings. His vision was reddened, his eyes already bloodshot as the half-kakuja began to reform over his face. His fingers scrabbled at his insides, they spilled out into the water from his wounded chest, and it wouldn't regenerate.  
He was so hungry.  
He scratched at his face, becoming irritated with the kagune mask. Kaneki muttered to himself, violently shaking as the _drip, drip_ of the dirty water echoed in the sewer around him.  
 _No no no no no. They're here for me, I'm here for me. It's my body, they caaan't have it!_  
His hearing sharpened suddenly, and he could hear the splash of boots in the water, made by someone none too cautious. How foolish, to wander around dark sewers so late at night, and so loudly, too. Kaneki was so hungry. He could leave the body here. Yes, yes, dinnertime. Not hungry for much longer. His mouth opened, salivating already as the footsteps came closer.  
"Yo, Kaneki!"  
The half-kakuja froze. His entire body stiffened noticeably, as the voice continued. He knew who it was, but he hated it. This was impossible. It wasn't fair at all.  
"...What's with the getup?" It chuckled, and maybe Kaneki detected the faintest hint of nervousness there. But he wouldn't have cared, because it was him, he was here, and oh, he couldn't take the hunger-  
"That, uh, in style these days?" The man joked. Kaneki slowly turned towards him, dreading every second. The man before him was around the same age, a shock of blonde hair cut more neatly than it had been when Kaneki'd last seen him. He bore the armor of a CCG investigator, but that didn't make sense. All the same, it was him.  
"Hiii...." He rasped, his voice cracking mid-word. "...de...?"   
_Please. No._  
"Whoa, ain't that somethin'... That costume of yours..." Hide said lamely, his gaze flickering over the armor-covered ghoul. Kaneki's breath rattled loudly, and Hide sighed.  
"All this time... You've had to suffer like this..." Hide trailed off, before picking back up again. "You won't need it anymore. The mask."  
Kaneki's senses had gone almost completely blank again, replaced by the throbbing panic, aching inside him. He paused for a long time, not responding, just letting the fear rise inside him. Hide was here.   
"I'm seeing things again..." Kaneki whispered. It made so much sense. Visions torturing him, one after the other.   
But he'd never thought Hide would become one of them.  
"Hide can't be heeeere... It's an illusion..." He hissed to himself, his sight becoming a red blur. This was so fucked up. He just wanted...  
 _A dream, it's a dream, it's a dream, I'm dreaming! Nothin' special, happens all the time. But.. if it isn't, Hideeeee will knoooow... He'll knooow th-that I'ma-! I-i-i-i'm a...!_  
Hide was there, in front of him. Kaneki almost sobbed, he felt the hand on his shoulder, and his darkened eyes could see the matured man kneeling before him. Hide was smiling at him.  
"I already knew, man! Who cares about that, let's just go home already." Hide said breezily, so easily, as if it was really no big deal. No big deal, not at all. Not like he's a ghoul, not like he could eat Hide any giving moment, not like-   
Kaneki let out another piercing scream, pushing Hide away roughly and leaning over as his heart throbbed painfully. He retched into the already-unsanitary water, every part of him crying out in pain. _It huuuurts, so baaaaad!_  
"I.. I want to help you..." Hide muttered, scratching his head worriedly and calculating the possibilities. "Going by the surroundings and the way they've blocked off routes, there's really.. no chance of a ghoul making it out." Hide gazed forlornly at his childhood friend sitting there in front of him, screaming as crazily as a banshee. Kaneki's head was tossing back and forth, back and forth. _So much pain...!_  
"That's a pretty nasty wound..." Hide remarked, staring at Kaneki's side. The entire stomach had been cut - or bitten - out, and it was bleeding profusely. Kaneki wasn't regenerating, like he should be.  
"Hide...! I hear these voices... Run away, or I'll..." Kaneki's voice turned darker than black, and he hissed in agony. Rize and Yamori and himself. Caught up in a whirlwind of screams inside his head, and he could barely stand it. Kaneki hurled again, the kagune sprouting out of his back twitching anxiously. The many centipede legs born from him scrabbled on the walls, as his world lurched to the left.  
"... I'm sorry. Can you fight with all you've got just one more time?" Hide said in a final manner. What he did next was terrible.  
Hide unclipped the armor vest from his torso, tossing it nonchalantly into the water. Away went the kneepads, off came the boots. With a splash, into the sewage fell the shoulder pads. What was he doing?  
"It's kind of hard to eat pistachios without discarding the shell first, right?" Hide asked, still smiling so brightly. Kaneki was hyperventilating. _WHAT is he DOING? Nooooo._  
"Kaneki. You need to get out of here alive. Your friends out there... They need you." Hide continued, no sign of anguish or sadness on his face. Same, old, happy Hide.  
 _But I need you. Doooon't, Hide. Pleaaaaase._ Kaneki was already going red around the eyes, his nonexistent stomach gurgling with hunger. He didn't want to do this. _Run, run, run! Goooo!_ Kaneki was too afraid to speak out loud, less the action end with teeth in flesh. He was so afraid, he could cry. He was crying. Tears noticeably poured down his one cheek unshielded by the kakuja armor. _Hiiide, no..._  
"So, it's okay for you to do this. Here, I won't even feel anything." Hide reached into the holster at his waist. Out came a gun, clutched in his hand. Kaneki shrieked, and his limbs activated, the kagune shrinking away as he got up and ran towards his friend to stop him. _NO._  
"This is how I'm repaying you for being my friend all these years, okay?" Hide told him. The gun went up to his head, he was still smiling, he shouldn't be smiling. **Click.**  
"Bye." The trigger was pulled, and the bullet passed through Hide in a flash of noise. Instantly, Kaneki's senses flared as the smell of blood seduced his nose and tongue. The kakuja armor flew back up over Kaneki's body like a swarm of bees, and he couldn't control his bloodlust anymore.  
Kaneki let out another banshee's scream and dove into Hide, ripping and tearing at his best friend until only scraps of his flesh and organs remained. Loud smacking and scratching echoed down the corridor, making the human inside of Kaneki sick.  
Kaneki sobbed all the while slurping up Hide's intestines, screamed with sadness as he ate his body. He could only watch from afar, seemingly no longer in control of his own vessel.  
Kaneki Ken was too selfish for his own good.


End file.
